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Gonna Fade Away

Unto the Night by Randy Wayne Spire.

Late in the night

you come

knocking

scratching

clawing.

I’ve long sought rest

yet you find me

sleepless

hapless

hopeless.

You shake me

wake me

take me

to face the horrors in the night.

Imagined and unimagined

Damning and defining

Forgotten and remembered

Better and worse

Twisted.

You reignite embers

of memory

chattering about time gone by

of  torment

raking unhealed skin

of misery

exposing my darkest self

of insanity.

Even as we scream

bound to one another

in coldest dark

you mock me

cajole me

break my white-knuckled grasp

on reality

possibility

and sanity.

You feed me

defenseless

mindless

and senseless

to nameless dark

to the endless crimson ocean that has poured from me

since I was spun from the stars

and drew my first breath.

With my next breath I collapse into self

red on black

and you find your way to the door.

I find my way to sleep

and nightmares turn once more.

Inevitably I wake

shake off the ribbons of night

knowing that some remain

clinging

binding

dragging me down

into dim understanding

of what never has been

of what never will be.

I struggle with my newfound weight

fear the return of night

the return of your fright

and I mindlessly pray

bray

and say

you won’t come knocking

you’ll finally

forever

leave me be

for so very little remains

in this senseless dread

in this senseless head

one step left of dead.

Yet the day spins by

in a flurry of blurry imagery and sound.

Once again I answer nighttime’s call

and to the pillow I must fall

and return

unbidden

bedridden

unhidden

to your cold arms.

My eyes close

Your eyes open

and the knocking begins.

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